March

Another month gone already, 2013 is going to be over before we know it. So what have I been up to in March?

• We started the month in Manchester on the last day of our two week holiday from work and I bought lots of new Lomography cameras in the shop as it was closing down, got to love a 75% off sale.

• Took lots and lots of lovely blossom photographs, I finally finished off my first Minolta roll this afternoon along the seafront, need to get it sent for processing, am really looking forward to the results.

• Had my usual magazines as well as a new issue of Kinfolk all about ice cream hmm

• Crafty Creatives Box 9 was a wonderful Steampunk theme, lots of lovely bits and pieces to add to my every growing stash

• Downloaded lots of new and old albums, I fancied something different 

• Holly came to visit us and we went up to the National Library of Wales for the afternoon to avoid the rain 

• We had a couple of Sunday night meals with some friends from work 

• I wrote some Postcrossing cards and cards to my friend Szilvi in Hungary   

• Bought a new Cath Kidston bag I'm still waiting for to arrive and a Sunshine Hello Kitty, the collection is ever growing!

• Booked a few nights away in London for the end of July and tickets to see the David Bowie exhibition in the V&A, very excited about this trip and all the places we would love to see

• Today is Easter Sunday and last night the clocks went forward so we've lost an hour, hence now it doesn't feel as late as it is, this isn't good as I have a 5 a.m. start tomorrow morning. At least we got a nice sunny day off work, the seafront was the busiest I've seen it for a long time. I will leave you with my favourite view today

Things I love Thursday

This past week has been quite similar to last week and the week before, not achieving the things I set out to do, mostly because of work, will be happy when Sunday comes and we have the day off to celebrate Easter.

♥ I'm very tempted by some of the new goodies on dotcomgiftshop I love the selection of items they have, always something a little different and makes for perfect presents.

♥ We've booked a few days away in London in the summer and so I needed to get a new bag to carry all my bits and pieces around and have gone for this lovely Cath Kidston Notting Hill Rose zip bag.

♥ Loading up my Juice Box camera for the first time, waiting for a bright sunny day now.

♥ Ant and Dec digging out the old PJ and Duncan moves on Saturday night

♥ Admiring the beautiful photographs in the new issue of Kinfolk the cover is pretty lovely too

Line of Fire

Line of Fire

 

 

I am the bullet,

 

Poised to enter your head.

 

Sweet Ivy fills our last

 

Morning’s air.

 

 

 

You wait.

 

 

Up get an encirclement of trees,

 

Citrus sunlight twinkles past,

 

As crisp leaves get crunched,

 

A taste of pure oxygen is engaged.

 

 

Surging fear

 

gets my show on the road.

 

 

I wait.

 

 

Trigger pulled,

 

The hunt sounds.

 

You are dead and so am I.

Things I love Thursday

This week so far has been quite testing in more ways than one. I haven't been able to get everything that I wanted to get done and that has been really frustrating. However, I am currently loving -

♥ I've been feeling a bit nostalgic and sentimental and although I'm not actually from Cardiff but Newport a mere 15 miles away, the Cardiff Bus Song has made me laugh

♥ I'm waiting for it to arrive but Build-A-Bear have a new Sunshine Hello Kitty, really looking forward to having a little sun this week

♥ I've been a David Bowie fan for a long time, the V&A are holding an exhibition, David Bowie is  from 23 March - 11 August and I really really really hope we can go during our holiday in July

♥ Visiting the National Library of Wales on Tuesday when my sister-in-law Holly came to see us for the day. I see the library from my window every day but considering I used to spent most of my time there back in 2007-8 I haven't been in for at least three years if not longer. Something I always loved about NLW was the distinctive library smell and I'm pleased to say it hasn't changed, a bit like stepping back in time.



Best tourist poses ~ Editied with Afterlight

Having it all

I apologise in advance if this post gets a bit lost at times and a little chaotic but I need somewhere to vent how I'm currently feeling. I'm a pessimist by nature, and a cynic to boot which doesn't help when I get stuck in a rut with thoughts whizzing around in my mind. From a very young age I knew I would work when I grew up. I know that might sound a little bit silly and naive but I never saw myself as someone to stay at home with children long term but that I would be able to have both, a job and a family and somehow the two would happily exist together without any problems. After finishing our degrees in 2008 my husband and I both got jobs at one of the big four UK supermarkets and we have made upward progression over the last couple of years but have now hit a brick wall as we wait for any new positions to become available which looks unlikely for the foreseeable future. I think we stayed here for several reasons, one being we like the town and being by the sea is really lovely, two because we are both from different parts of the country and having met here staying here solved the problem of one of us not having to move somewhere new and three we didn't know what exactly we wanted to do next. And then we were headlong into recession, job cuts and terrible prospects so we just stayed put. Five years later we are still here. Don't get me wrong, we have made some wonderful friends during our time here but I feel the time for change has come.

I believe we could have a really promising future with the company we are with but not here due to a lack of opportunity. Relocation is just the start. In an ideal world I would love to move back to be closer to one of our families where we would have a greater chance at being able to achieve the things in life we desire. Property prices for what you get up here are ridiculous. Pressure for affordable housing gets tighter every year and rents reflect this, being a student town makes landlords charge stupid amounts of money for accommodation which is terrible. I must admit we have been very lucky, our first landlord is one of the nicest men I've ever met and very funny, we did help save his property from catching fire after the old chapel next door burnt down back in 2008, a Friday night I will never forget! We moved from that flat into our current house in December 2010, I have the most spacious loft conversion room which is massive as our bedroom and my little writing/crafting/dreaming area and I love it dearly. As anyone who is currently in the same position as us knows, renting is a frustrating game and every month feeling deflated thinking how that money could be going on a mortgage payment of a similar value. If we were to buy a house up here we wouldn't get a great deal for our budget or would have to move further away from town but then would probably need to have two cars. Near to my family or my husband's we would get a lot more choice and much more for our money. One thing that is holding us back at the moment is the fact my husband can't drive but come May he is starting lessons again and hopefully will pass his test soon after. I can't live here forever as much as I love the place and all the fond memories it holds I feel trapped at times being so far away from any major cities and our families. It would be a different situation if say I was from here and my husband had come to study and we met etc etc as we would have my family or if one of our families had moved I probably wouldn't feel like this. At times I wish I could just go around and see my parents but that takes a two and a half hour drive, thinking about it makes me feel a little depressed at the best of times.

The other major factor in wanting to move is about starting a family. As soon as I had the ring on my finger back in October my colleges started to speculate on when I might have a baby as we've had a string of pregnancies over the last two years on my department. For the most part I've laughed them off. I would like to have a baby more than anything, if only it was that easy. I know it can take time and working the hours we do, husband especially, means it will more than likely take even longer. Unlike my predecessor not keeping my position in work would not be the end of the world. I've proved I can do my job and do it very well. Part of me would be happy to hold off having children until later on but then comes the question of how long is too long? I would be heartbroken to leave it that long to not be able to have any. I know later on we would be more financially secure but who knows what the future holds. I'd like to have two or maybe three children over the next few years, be able to enjoy them whilst I'm youngish and have the energy before going back to progress in work or whatever career path I choose when they get a bit older. I know I can't do this living here, having no support would be a nightmare and being alone all day with a baby not much fun. This week has been topped off with two Facebook friends announcing they are due in September and one of my colleges who is in a similar position to us, telling me she is also expecting. I'm really pleased for them but also a little jealous as I feel I should be in the same situation, I'm not overly looking forward to all the remarks on how they thought it would be me next. What do them expect me to say? Oh I'm sorry for not trying hard enough! Do tell me where I'm going wrong! And breathe...

Can we ever really have it all? I was a bit too young to appreciate Sex and the City when it first came out but having since watched it I can relate to the generation who believed in it. We all want the same things at the end of the day, a loving partner, a home of our own, a job we love and maybe a couple of babies and I do think we can have it all but not always at the same time. Sometimes the elements just don't work in the combination you want them to. The game of compromise is never far away but we all make compromises every day to keep on moving forward. At this current point I know having a family means more to me than my career, I'm willing to leave here and move closer to one of our families to achieve this and to help further my husband's career. I will support him in whichever direction he wants to head. It scares me to think we've only been married five months but am moving towards making big decisions that will shape our long term future but I suppose after six years together it doesn't seem so scary after all. I know that without my husband none of this would be possible. Sometimes I think he knows what I'm thinking about when really he has no idea and I should actually tell him, especially when things mean so much to me.

                                                                                 *

Sorry if it seems doom and gloom but it feels good just to let everything out. Getting stressed will not help matters. I wrote the piece above on Friday night and now on Sunday afternoon I've had some time to reflect. I still feel the same but have calmed down since then and I know the only way I can move forward to start looking at our options once that driving test is successfully passed, so no pressure for him then! Today we've been married exactly five months and I'm looking forward to many happy months and years ahead of us.